I found a literal brick castle in Washington and the listing photos are an absolute fever dream

So, I was browsing listings in Chattaroy, Washington, and I stumbled on this brick castle built in 2002. It sits on 10 acres, costs $736,500, and whoever took the photos decided to include a guy in full steel armor doing everyday chores.

First impressions

The approach is wild. You drive up a gravel road that winds through a quiet pine forest to get to the house.

As you get closer, you see a stone wall topped with lion statues guarding the entrance.

Then you see the actual house. It is a brick structure with battlements along the roofline and a huge archway right through the middle.

The roof detailing really leans into the whole fortress vibe.

And yes, standing right there in the driveway is our resident knight.

Honestly, the dedication to the bit is incredible. The armor looks heavy.

The carport situation

That big central archway functions as a covered parking area, and it has a nice wood ceiling.

It also apparently doubles as a street hockey rink if you need to practice your shots in full gear.

The entryway

When you walk through the front door, you end up in a foyer with tall walls painted yellow.

Looking back from the other side, you can see how the layout connects to the stairs.

About that kitchen

The kitchen itself has burgundy walls, oak cabinets, and a massive breakfast bar wrapped in tile.

There is enough seating at the counter to feed a crew.

Of course, our armored friend is in here prepping some lunch. Please notice the Dharma Initiative labels on the cans.

He also uses a sword to slice oranges, because why wouldn’t you?

When he is done eating, he grabs a book and heads out the door.

Right off the kitchen is a simple half bath with a wood vanity.

The lower level

Heading downstairs, there is a second living space with tile floors and a stove.

The knight is down here too, casually swinging his sword around next to the TV.

There is also a spare room down here that works great for cardio day.

There is another bathroom on this level with a walk-in shower.

This ceramic sink is a really cool detail.

Upstairs bedrooms and baths

If you head back up the stairs, our guide is waiting at the landing to give you some double finger guns.

Upstairs, you have a loft area that serves as a cozy family room.

The main bedroom has plenty of space and some intense floral drapes. Our knight is currently resting.

The master bath has a double vanity and a built-in tub.

Apparently, the shower is a bit of a tight squeeze when you are wearing steel.

He also takes a minute to check his hair in the mirror.

The walk-in closet is huge, though it mostly seems to hold regular clothes.

And here we have the knight using WD-40 in the bathroom. This listing keeps giving.

The other bedrooms in the house are actually pretty standard, like this one with orange walls.

And another simple bedroom painted grey.

Bonus rooms and the outdoors

There is a massive craft room with tons of storage shelves.

The garage has a great workshop setup with plenty of room for tools.

Outside, a brick staircase wraps around the side of the building.

There is a wooden deck that looks directly into the forest.

There is also a side deck with space for a patio set.

When you look at the property from above, you realize just how isolated you are out here on your 10 acres.

They even built a fountain and some brick arches in the yard.